Mental health is never a done deal. It is ever evolving care. I was on two mood stabilizers, that I have been on for years and thought that was enough to deal with my bipolar II. I noticed that I was unhappy, that I was over eating/binging, and that I was slipping into depression more frequently. It seemed that I was depressed every few months. I would get out of my cycle and enjoy a month or two of normalcy, then slip right back into depression again. I was struggling to find a psychiatrist in my area and then a spot opened up in April. I had gone for 7 months without a check in with a professional. My insomnia was affecting my every day life. I would go nights without sleep. I would toss and turn until 7am and then fall asleep when the sun came up. I slept for most of the day and got into a horrible cycle of sleeping all day and staying up all night. That is not a life. I met with Dr. Goggin and told him about my life, my circumstances, my problems, my situations and he decided that a sleep med is definitely needed and he could tell that an antidepressant needed to be added to my regimen. I weaned myself on the new medications and once the full dose was in effect, I felt so much better.
My life is not perfect, and I am going through a lot of shit, but my mental health is super important for me to function. I am not ashamed that I have to take an antidepressant, two mood stabilizers, and a sleep aid. This is what is needed to keep me stable. I don’t want to be in a place where I was for 7 months. I don’t want to cycle so frequently with my depression. I am ready to not only move on with my mental health, but with my life. I have been in a dark place, not leaving my apartment, not living. I am ready to step out and meet people.
I moved to Texas thinking that my college friends would welcome me back and things would be the same. However, things are different and I know that I cannot rely on that friend group. I feel out of place and it feels like a forced friendship out of obligation. I may have moved here for the wrong reasons, but now I am here and I need to make the best of it. I can think of it like starting fresh. The more positive I am with my daily life, the more positive my life will be. I will attract the right kind of people in my life who will have the privilege of knowing me. I deserve a happy, positive, and fulfilling life. This all started with getting my mental health in check and working on it every day. I will never put my mental health on the back burner again. It is crucial for me to function properly and be happy. That’s all I can ask for.